arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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