you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
