I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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