Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
