I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
