so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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