did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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