C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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