Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
