chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize