but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
