There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
