1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
