I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
