Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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