i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
