why didn't you poke me back
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
