More tranny stories later!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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