I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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