he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
