Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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