Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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