Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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