i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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