my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
being pregnant is like rehab
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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