After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
