piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
