My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
