5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
