More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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