apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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