I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
