i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your penis caused this!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
