whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
