Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
