and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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