I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
