I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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