I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
