Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
