Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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