I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
