I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize