There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize