The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
