i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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