we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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