i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize