I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
