Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
