remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
