Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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