you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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