life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
