We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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