Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
