Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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