He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
