I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
