Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
