why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize