Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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