Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
