i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How external is "for external use only"?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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