for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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