real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
