Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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