It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
