Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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