YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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