i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
