Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
