Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
