he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
