I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
