That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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