I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
