Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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