Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
