I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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