Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
