guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
