i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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