It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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