she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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