dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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