Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
