I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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