Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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