you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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