just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
