I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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