I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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