did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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