Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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