some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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