That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just had sex bonerless
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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