It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
