It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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