Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
