HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize