I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
