at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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