STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
