took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
