i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
