Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
