it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
worst night to have a conscience
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
