is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
