wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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