Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
