maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
