I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
